Day Care a.k.a. one of the hardest decisions I have ever made

Day care . . . . wow, what a hard decision to make! Let's back up a little first . . .

From day one, Johnathan and me were a team, we spent every day and every night together. I went back to work when he was about a month old and "made it work" being Mommy and worker. I found I could juggle everything and I'd like to think I was still able to be good, even great on somedays, at everything. I never thought Johnathan would go to day care. I really honestly thought I could handle doing everything as he got older and required more and more of my time and attention. Well, I was wrong, way way wrong!

This past summer was really wonderful! Jeff was home all day and really helped with Johnathan. I was able to work and see my two guys every day and I loved it. Shortly after Jeff went back to work I realized there was no way I could continue keeping Johnathan home. I mentioned the idea of just checking out day cares on a Thursday and before you knew it, Johnathan was enrolled and starting that next Monday!

Jeff, Johnathan and I visited three different day cares. I found that it's such a personal decision, you have to really have a connection with the place. I wanted to make sure I felt absolutely comfortable with no "well I liked it but . . . " feelings. We found Small World Early Learning Center, it's in Naples Park and we love it there! Johnathan is in class with his friend Emma and has a wonderful teacher Miss Lisa who is the most patient, even tempered, loving, caring and just great teacher ever. Johnathan also has Miss Mirela, who loves him dearly, and Miss Tammi who is always so cheerful and happy to see us in the morning.

Trying to be a good Mama I got everything ready the day before.

That morning we got up nice and early. Johnathan was ready to go! I dressed him in a very nice "first day of school" outfit. Just check out those jeans, come on, too cute!!! "Okay Mama, I'm ready to go, bye-bye!"

A nice healthy breakfast of milk and pancakes before we leave!

Backpack on and we're out the door!

So we got there, I dropped off all of his things, put him down and after talking with his teachers for a few minutes . . . . I left, well I snapped one quick photo first, and that was it. Johnathan didn't even notice me leave.

I didn't want to make a big deal of it and I was so impressed that he didn't cry . . . but I did! As soon as I got in the car I let myself cry, I let it all out. And as guilty as I felt, as sad as I was that I wasn't going to have him next to me all day, I knew in my heart that I had made the right decision. I knew that he was going to be learning so much and having so much more fun that he would at home with me. I knew that he was going to be happy. And that is the most important thing in the world to me! My son's happiness is and always will be priority number one!!

Jeff got home from school and I counted down until 3:30 when we left to get him. Jeff didn't drive quite fast enough and there were too many red lights. But we got there an agonizing 15 minutes later (sarcasm people) . . . . we walked through the door and Johnathan came running to me and wrapped his arms around my neck and hugged me like never before. It was just the best thing ever! We celebrated his big day by having a nice quick dinner out at Panera, we love that place.

Well, day one drop off might have gone flawlessly but not-so-much on days 2 - 29. Day two was bad, he cried and reached for me and I was strong and walked out the door, I called a few minutes later and they assured me that he was happy and playing and okay. Day three was the worst day . . . just horrible, Johnathan was hysterical, I was hysterical . . . I broke down crying in the car and came so very close to running in and grabbing him and promising to never leave him ever again . . . but again I was strong and went home and cried myself until lunchtime. As I picked him up that day his teachers told me it was a bad day and they thought he had a fever, which he did, so we went to the doctor. He had double ear infections and a cold and needed antibiotics. Double doze of "mommy guilt" that day I tell ya! So he stayed home for the rest of the week and we snuggled the sicky's out of him the best we could.

Since that first week we haven't missed too many days of day care. I have tried different "tactics" for drop off time, once I literally put him down and ran out the door . . . then another time I sat with him for a few minutes. As they say sometimes it just takes time. Well after about a month, I walked in put him down and he walked away and started to play with not one tear! I did a happy dance on the way to the car that morning. The same thing the next day and the day after. Success! Well, of course, now that he doesn't reach for me and seems to be happy that I'm dropping him off . . . . I feel like he prefers being there to home. What is it with "mommy guilt"? I feel bad when he cries and I still feel bad when he doesn't?!

I miss him, but I know that he is doing things at school that he would never do at home! The other day they finger painted at school and then "just cause" they painted with their toes and feet! Johnathan paints and draws and uses markers and plays on the jungle-gym and has taste tests and learns so SO much.

I am learning that it takes a village to raise a child. I am happy that the responsibility is not only on my and Jeff's shoulders. I like that Johnathan has outside influences in his life. I like that Johnathan has friends and interaction with kids and teachers. He is learning and constantly facing new experiences and challenges . . . and is turning out to be a really good kid. And while we still don't have everything perfect and are still learning our new schedule . . . . it's part of our life and our story . . . . and I've loved our story so far, I can't wait to see what's around the corner!!!